As Someday It May Happen That A Victim Must Be Found Lyrics

Ko-Ko:
As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list โ€” I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed โ€” who never would be missed!
There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs โ€”
All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs โ€”
All children who are up in dates, and floor you with 'em flat โ€”
All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like that โ€”
And all third persons who on spoiling tรชte-รก-tรชtes insist โ€”
They'd none of 'em be missed โ€” they'd none of 'em be missed!
Chorus:
He's got 'em on the list โ€” he's got 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed โ€” they'll none of 'em be missed.

Ko-Ko:
There's the banjo serenader, and the others of his race,
And the piano-organist โ€” I've got him on the list!
And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face,
They never would be missed โ€” they never would be missed!
Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone,
All centuries but this, and every country but his own;
And the lady from the provinces, who dresses like a guy,
And who "doesn't think she dances, but would rather like to try";
And that singular anomaly, the lady novelist โ€”
I don't think she'd be missed โ€” I'm sure she'd not he missed!
Chorus:
He's got her on the list โ€” he's got her on the list;
And I don't think she'll be missed โ€” I'm sure she'll not be missed!

Ko-Ko:
And that Nisi Prius nuisance, who just now is rather rife,
The Judicial humorist โ€” I've got him on the list!
All funny fellows, comic men, and clowns of private life โ€”
They'd none of 'em be missed โ€” they'd none of 'em be missed.
And apologetic statesmen of a compromising kind,
Such as โ€” What d'ye call him โ€” Thing'em-bob, and likewise โ€” Never-mind,
And 'Stโ€” 'stโ€” 'stโ€” and What's-his-name, and also You-know-who โ€”
The task of filling up the blanks I'd rather leave to you.
But it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list,
For they'd none of 'em be missed โ€” they'd none of 'em be missed!
Chorus:
You may put 'em on the list โ€” you may put 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed โ€” they'll none of 'em be missed!

Ko-Ko:
As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list โ€” I've got a little list